In the Spring of My Adulthood

“So, what are you doing? Why are you always looking at the sky through the window? Are you thinking something or missing someone in life? Are you thinking about me/ Don’t think so much as I had had my time and everything should come to an end someday, so also my life. What is left out is your impressions, feelings and ideas on your life” He told me this
I was not interested on the last part of his speech. I was not at all!
He coughed a bit and then continued his talk. His voice sounded mystique and took me to some other place. He was speaking from my back. His voice was hitting me hard and straight. There was no respite from his talk and sound of the air conditioners in the hospital. He continued.
“Life is like a big race where everybody can run according to their own style. You will have marathon runners, sprinters, long jumpers, and all other forms of people running together and all of them have a common goal- to fulfil their personal legend, personal choices and goals. At the beginning of the race, all of us are together, sharing same level of enthusiasm. But as the race develops, the initial happiness gives way to the real challenges. It also brings with it fatigue, boredom, monotony, doubts and confidence on own abilities.
There are some people who give up the challenge-they are still in the race, but they don’t compete. This is because they don’t want to. They are there because they cannot stop in the middle of the road; there are many of them. You will find them pedalling near to the police car; talking to one another and fulfil their own desires and duties. Those who are in the competition end up distancing ourselves from the others who are ‘also runs’. We are obliged to face loneliness, surprise at unknown bends in the road, we have problems with our muscles and after sometime we wonder whether it was worth being in the race. But he told me that it is worth being in the race and one should not just give up.”
Silence rules both of us these days. These pauses are very long and killing. They are like mist in a mountain highway. It may confuse you many times. I wished to ask a question which for obvious reasons I didn’t ask. He will perceive me that I am with self doubts. Many people feel that way that I am full of self doubts and what guided me so far in last fifteen years is getting questioned by myself.
It reminds me a funny scene in a race. The guys who were running in the race as ‘also rans’ combined together and made a human chain to knock down the prospective winner. Many of these ‘also rans’ sometimes, while walking along, knock down the potential winners. I didn’t ask those questions to him because I don’t want to confuse anybody, nor you or me or my grandfather.
He took up a conversation again with me around 9 AM, after the nurses gave him some injections. He never complained when they pushed the needle. My grandmother is of the opinion that he was always scared of injections. That’s the reason for which for many of his problems which needs medical attention, he avoided them throughout the life and yet could have such a healthy living.
“Why are you panicky today? Has the doctor said something to you?” he asked me somewhere in between ten and eleven.
“Nothing” was my answer to him.
You know, every day that I spend in this world is a blessing for me. You should also think in the same way. So you will start enjoying your life. One should enjoy all the grace God has given for the day. Grace cannot be saved for another day, another year and then use them at some other point of time. If one does not use those blessings, then he may lose it forever. God has made all of us as artistes. One day he gives us a paint brush and a canvass to paint, another day a chisel for sculpting and a pen to write for another day. We are the artists of our own life and destiny. Can we use the chisel for writing or the brush for sculpting? We can’t do this though we have all of them. So every day is like a miracle for us. One should accept today’s blessings to create the life with what I have. If you do with detachment and without a feeling of guilt, God will be kind to give me a tomorrow with more opportunities.
I started believing this and felt very happy. When I came out of the room the sun was very warm. Humidity level is very high due to the rain last night. There was a rainbow in the distant sky. The breeze was so gentle that it could touch my skin and make me feel happy. I started feeling as if the sun is not there as if I am entering into the season of springs in my life and there is a distant frail looking image taking me to the sprint of my adulthood. I think I am slowly maturing to a better person!