I think it was my second year of graduation when I was into student politics and some of my friends were bidding for positions. My friend Mangu (where he is these days) had lost election in the previous year and he was banking on me for the same. I forgot to mention that in my third year I had won the literary champion award by winning majority of competitions in the college. It was silver jubilee celebration of the college and I was new to the campus. I think everybody was banking on Monalisa Mishra to win the award as I was no body in the college and I was from science discipline. She was also from the science discipline but her father is a well known poet of Orissa and she has won many prizes before that year for the college. I was an absolute shocker in the college and I took away all the prizes from nowhere. I enjoyed very high level of reputation and goodwill among students due to these achievements. I remember I had a black bag and all the functions I would collect the prizes in that black bag. It was a lucky mascot for me during those days and often people find me with the black bag.
In the second year of my course, I was fairly popular chap on the campus as I blended poetry with Physics and debating with short story writing. I could catch up with my old school pals like Muna, Rabi and others with new set of friends like Pramod, Dushashan. I was also in the company of few of my classmate girls as our gang members. She was out and out of the gang from me. Her elder sister was in my senior class and I had quite some acquaintance with her. I continue to be in touch with big sister and always plan to meet her sometime, but it has never happened in the past. I was also not much interested in her during those days as I was preoccupied with studies, competitions and literary pursuit. In the second year of the studies came the election time and I once visited her house. I could get a chance to talk to her freely.
As a child she used to have curly hair; that’s the faint memory of her that I could remember. We often made paper rockets and pushed them in her hair without her knowledge. Those were golden days of life when we didn’t know how life was going to take a turn in future. By the time I came to see her in the fourth year of my college study, she has become a grown up girl and had long, straight hair, they were longer enough to be tied than be left open for us to again push paper rockets in it. She talked politely in that dim light amongst all elders. I can call that meeting as our first meeting as grownups. There was no pleasure of meeting her or getting any special feeling about her.
On those days as I was arrogantly engrossed in the self glory of being a champion of the college. So no matter how emotional a woman would look or behave like, there was a poor chance that I would get attracted towards any women. How rude and misbehaving I was at that point of time?
Did I suffer in life for that feeling ever?
Yes, many times and I think that I have lost things in life because of this arrogance. Life has become a lesson of loss and suffering. due I don’t know whether what I am writing is good or bad but these are honest confessions. Could have managed things better, had I not been so engrossed with my success. This is because when failure comes following success, it’s difficult to absorb that feeling, but many times, you learn lessons by burning your fingers.
Samjhte the………………par humne jalaali ungliyan apni…
I will write about our next meeting as good friends sometime in future as I have some failures that happened in between to write down before I again talk about her. Yes, what is left out with me is her curly hair, deer eyes (heeran ki aankh) and smell of Fair and Lovely cream.
Chhodo…. People have started asking me where I am and whats happening in my life? Nothing boss, where I was, I continue to be there but yes some big things are going to happen in few days time and it means really big thing in life. Challo…. I will keep you posted. You have cried so much with me and suffered so much reading my helplessness and problems of life. I think you deserve a break from all this and should read something different and pleasurable of my life. Writing about her is the beginning of the journey down memory lane and then trying to recapture where I had left some long time ago. Just pray God for me, so that I am able to see her before I die and say sorry for all the misconceptions, problems and confusions of life. I would like to say sorry to many of my friends on this platform, allow me to make my emotions flow like a river and it should not get chocked at some place to become a lake. If it flows like that, then we can only call it a river….. so life is like a river…
Now the song of my choice for you guys........................................................
Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Maine dil se kaha dhoond laana khushi
Bechaara kahan jaanta tha
Khalish hai yeh kya khala hai
Shehar bhar ki khushi se
Yeh dard mera bhala hai
Jashna yeh raaz na aaye
Mazaa toh bas gam main aaya hai
Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Kabhi hai ishq ka ujaala
Kabhi hai maut ka andhera
Bataao kaun bes hoga
Main jogi banu ya lutera
Kayi chehre hai is dil ke
Najaane kaunsa mera
Maine dil se kaha dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Hazaaron aaise phaasle the
Jo Tai karne chale the
raahe magar chal padi thi
Aur peeche hum rah gaye the
kadam Do chaar chal paaye
Kiye phere tere mann ke
Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
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