The Fate of the Old Couple

‘Where life is planning to take you these days?’
‘I don’t know, I have not planned anything. I planned everything for so long and now I don’t wish to plan anything. I will follow my heart, wherever it wanted to take me, I will just follow’
‘You seem like leaving yourself to destiny and becoming destiny’s child? Of course, you were always a destiny’s child. You have made it by yourself-he said
I don’t know what he meant by this? Does he mean anything at all or said something like that. When he spoke this to me, he was looking at the painting on the wall.
You must have thought something to do, may be after I die or after I get well for some days. Why you are not speaking up to me? Have you shared this with your wife or doing everything on your own?
What answer will I give to him? Life has never been so easy like before. I nurtured my career so much over last ten-fifteen years and threw it at the slightest hesitation when it became unbearable for me. I never looked back about the left outs. I never thought how meaningful the books will be which I have read over years or case notes prepared or books wrote by burning me overnight. Never thought them when I was in the game! Now of course when I am alone these thoughts hunt me and I close my eyes without an answer. Its asking a question about death knowing that you will be dead one day. I take all these as mid career crisis and one day all these stray thoughts will go away from my mind. Now they are haunting me particularly when I am alone and am thinking about the past.
It’s still raining outside but the amount of rain has gone down these days. Its puja time and people should have some share of happiness after such devastating rain in last two months. The green leaves are signing in the hot sun and the flowers are like smiles of my son when he sees me after a long gap. He is going to see me after a long gap, may be a month now when they are back home. Whenever he meets me after sometime, he just gives me a smile and it changes my world. Many times I think I have lost the meaning of my life and just living for him only. I wish to see him successful and well settled. May be many parents think in that way and its natural on my part to think similar to them. Now days he is living in loneliness as I am not around. He reacts a lot also as I am not there to pacify him on my weekly one to one meeting. This time around I was not there for parent teacher meeting, but he didn’t complain much as he knows I cannot be there.
When the life will be normal? I don’t know an answer to this question as I have no answer to the question. Will God forgive these people who created a distance between my son and me- I don’t know the answer also. There are many questions to which I am not seeking any answer these days. When people speak ill about me in the past, I use to get angry and now it seems I have started accepting things as they come. Is it making me more matured or taking away softer aspects of life? I don’t know. How many times I have written “I don’t know”. You will get bored with my lines now.
Do you know something interesting happening these days? He broke my thought process.
What is that he is going to talk to me now?
“It’s about someone close to our family. The old man is of my age and his wife is still alive like your maternal grandmother. He is also a freedom fighter like me and survives with pension. He has two sons and three daughters. The sons are so nasty that they want a share on the pension money of this man. When they wanted a property distribution, the elder son started abusing parents. They have the statue of a devi whom they are worshipping for last fifty years ! None of the sons are ready to keep the Goddess and what they want is a share of the property. They have left the home and with the Goddess moving in the street...literally in the street and searching for a shelter at the age of 93 and 88! God bless them as they wish to see every rising sun and still have hope of living for another day. I know they are nice souls and see what their sons are doing at this age! Life shows so many sounds and colours that you feel like dyeing next day and wishing not to come back again. Everybody has to pass through the old age and so also his sons are going to pass through the age.... but how they can behave like this?” his voice was choked with emotions. He has told me this incident five to six times in last few days and it means that it is hitting him somewhere very hard and he can’t digest the stuff. He is like this always, crying for others and am sure given a chance he would have ran now to pick up the old couple and given shelter to them in his house.
I was not interested to continue the conversation for long as I knew it will make him feel let down. I also wanted not to talk because it may bring out emotions of myself and problems of my loneliness to his front which will make him more weak. I wish to stop here. I wanted to write about my interaction with one more young patient in the hospital but the old couple thought blocked that for the time being. May be next time I will write about it. I heard a song whose lines are like this
Maine dekhi hai in aankho ki mehkti khusbu
Inhe chhukar riston kaa iljam naa do
Sirf ehsas hair uh se mehsus karo
Pyaar ko pyaar hi rehne do koi naam naa do........
What movie? Which actress and actor? I don’t know. Somebody was murmuring this song in the corridor and I liked the lines...... may be next thing will be on these lines