I Know You Guys Will Write Back

I was expecting this after posting my previous post on the blog. My students are reading my blog, this fact is known to me, particularly after received a mail from SWAC last time. This time I was expecting a mail/few mail responses from students and ex-students but never expected that within two days I will receive so many mails from you guys. I sincerely thank you all for the love and affection that you have shown to me through your mails. I think as a teacher thats what you get in your life. Love, care and affection of your students. A large part of the main gets wiped out by these email responses.

And I am sure world has many good people. Its only we make mistake in choosing good and bad people around us and these mistakes make you to lose confidence from everybody. Being a trainer I teach these lessons to my students, trainess but when it comes to your own life, the realization is through a painful process. If you ask me a question about whether I have any regrets in life or at workplace. My answer is a concrete "No'. The reason being whatever i had planned to do for the school, I have done it and may be by staying put I could have done something more, but even moving out will make to use these experiences and built greater and better things in life.
I am eternally optimistic person and believer in the good cause. Our sufferrings and pain has a reason, rather two reasons; a good one and a bad one. The good one is that it gives us new challenges and guides us to achieve greater things in life; the bad ones that your confidence on people goes down. But this is life. There is a great saying, "tere mehkhane ki yeh ajeb hai daastan saaki, jaam unhe pes kiya jaata hai, jineh pinaa hi nahin aata'.
let us hope that in few weeks time, I will come back with a different mood and write again about positive aspect of life and also about new challenges. I thought I will take a nostalgic stand on the blog when I started but got entangled with writing about the problems, turmoils and sufferrings of life! But I am sure God will give a chance to comeback to the original mood and again search my tiny memories to build a garland of happiness for my readers. For the time being, I am on tenterhooks!!

Its Time to Say Good Bye

I had two options. Either I have to stay back and fight or to choose my own course of action. I hev never beleived in politicking and fighting rather I have always worked for positive results. But being positive in a weeked environment has no use. many of my friends and relatives suggested me that I should fight back. But I asked a question: for whom should I fight? Nobody came to my rescue at this point of time. The world is divided into different set of people viz. those who are against me; those who always depended on me and took all the benefits and then never looked back and those who are good friends and never cared for me saying that this is my problem. Those who are against me are happy because I am not there to fight with them or complain against their misdeeds; those who took benefit from me and were like rats in the ship, ran away by seeing how others are fighting with me and those who are silent, I have no comments on them.

One thing I am sure that IIMIndore is a nasty place to work. The polictics is so high that you feel like vomiting sometime. I should have left immediately after Prof Parashar and joined elsewhere but stayed back thinking that I have brought a change to the work culture of IIMIndore. It seems I am the first casualty of my assumption. Anyway I worked in IIM system for so many years and contrbuted so much but at the end of the day, the experience has been really bad. Instead of looking back and mourning, the life is meaningful when it moves forward and thats what has occupied my mind at this point of time. Life should go one, come whatsoever may in life.
I think I can resurrect and do well in the next job and my resignation from IIMIndore would have something interesting on store for me in life. It may give new things and bring new success for me. Let my detractors be happy and enjoy. Its time to say good bye and good luck to IIMIndore

For the Sake of My Students

Yah, you will find me removing two posts from my blog. These two blogs were my expression of my own sufferings and pain that I am passing through while working at IIMIndore. These were personal expressions of my problems, pain and sufferring in last few months. I never intended to hurt anyone's sentiment or image. I understand my blog is a personal platform and is confined to my close people only. I didnt realize that my students are also reading the blog. I need to be careful as it should not reflect my emotions and sentimenta to my students.

So you find them missing now onwards. They are personal expressions, particualarly at a time when I was too much stressed and was under severe attack from my colleagues. But workplace problems are workplace problems and by writing them they should not affect the larger interest of the institute and my students.
May be I will write the experience somepoint of time in a book before I die because 'kal ho na ho'.

In Search of Happiness

Yah, I am always thinking about happiness these days and meaning of life and the job that i am doing. Whenever I go home, everybody adores my work and loves my development but I am farther from them. This is a place where I work and so much of enimity that I see with my colleagues.
I saw a movie called 'Dus Kahanaiyan' and I was impressed with a small story titled 'Gubbare' which starts Nana Patekar and some new actors may be Rohit Roy. The story line was so nice that it touched my heart and I again ended up asking the question of meaning of life and the work that I am doing.

Its all confusion only these days. I have started getting offers for new jobs with very fat salaries and here I am facing problems with my collegues. I dont know whether I will be ever able to solve this riddle of life.
I am told that Nalini is still behind me and her husband is trying to spoil my career by arranging some nonsense. I asked a question to people that 'if I lose what will she gain?" If One's loss is not the gain of another, then why are we hooked up in the prisoner's dillema.

Three Meetings of Life

I have met him many times in life but I will only write about three meetings with him which happenned in my life and has significant bearing on my life and shaping me as a person. Its very interesting aspect of my life that debarring the four friends Manoj, Kamal, Bivraj and Prakash, rest others have always tried to hit me in some or other context. This is apt for many people including those whom I have helped in life and career. This gentleman stands apart from all these people as I realize today.
How people hit me? there can be many examples, may be I can write twenty pages on my blog on people who have taken help from me and have ditched me at a latter stage, be it my brother, my relatives, my colleagues like nalini, each one of them in some or other form have comeback to me and tried to play foul with me. But there is no point in blaming other people, may be I lacked something for which such a thing happenned. May be a mistake at my end for that matter. and when the mistake can be partly attributed to me, its not a good point to write them and blame someone fully.

Let me comeback to the gentleman about whom I wished to pen down today. In 1987, after my graduation in Physics, I was wondering what next to study as I was not interested to study Physics further. So I applied for an MBA program in an upcoming business school and I was selected. My father went with me and he saw the institute and had doubts whether he should have put his son in such a small school. He had almsot convinced me about not joining the school and then we met the Director of the school Prof Pal. He has such uncanning power to convince people that when my father came out of his chamber, he started advising me how should I go for the course and I was amazed by the cool of this man, the way he convinced my father. Today when I look back and see myself, then I wonder I am what I am today due to his convincing power and his effort for putting me where I am. Over the years his love for me has deeper and deeper only and every milestone that I have achieved in life has made him very happy and he feels very proud of me.
Let me write down my second important meeting with him. It was in his house. In between a decade almost had passed and he was out of my school for pursuing his business. Then one day I got the chance of my life time to carry a letter with me which had his re-appointment as the Director of the school. I was really feeling so happy to have him back in life and job as Director. I became a faculty in marketing in the same institute and he was my first marketing class teacher as a student. He is like Dronacharya for me and I think myself as 'ekalabya' at this point of time. That was my second meeting with him in which I was again feeling very happy about myself that I could connect him with my school.

Then I left the school and joined IIML,K and now Indore. Everytime I have gone to him , he has spoken good about me and also has explained how he feels great with each of my achievements. Lots of people talk non-sense about him, his way of functioning, his appetite for money, but how does that matter to someone who in no way is connected in my activities of academics. I have always found him to be optimistic, smiling and with a spirit of never say die attitude. In my third meeting, he told me that everybody including the government is against him and he has the ability to face everybody because his sense of purprose and duty to good is great in him. I admire him for these qualities. He has built a big temple and took me around the temple and I was really astonished to find out how with so much of adverisaries and negetaivety around, he has been able to manage and build such a huge temple for the common man. I salute his power once again.
I always think about life, take a pause and go ahead but this man is relentless and is always in purusit of happiness. He spoke to me in the twilght hour about his philosophy and his vision in the temple and I pray lord, let him live for long years, so that he can achieve great in his life and also realize the vision. whenever he talks about his children, he comes back as a very affectionate father who does not leave any stone unturned for his children. I am envious of his kids, not because he amsed so much of wealth for them but for the fact that he is such a loving father!

He has done great things for me and I owe a lot to him at least in this life. I dont want to thank him because I beleive when you thank someone, a part of the debt goes down and if you thank the person always, then oneday you will feel that there is no debt. I wish to stay indebted to him throughout my life for what he has done for me. Yes, indebted for life. Of course there are already a debt. I read some where that there are three types of Rina (Loans) that no one can pay back in his life time like pitru rina, deba rina and guru rina and I owe two loans to him. The first is the guru runa and the second is the pitru rina, pitru rina because he is my first teacher who taught me marketing, he is like a father figure for me as he has played an immense role in ly life and career not only protecting me but also appeasing for all good things I have done in life.
Everyday and night, when I pray for the well being of my fathers, I promise to pray for this lovely, caring and godly person who unconditionally loves me and with slightest of my problems, gets panicky.

Thank you sir, you for being around.

Where is the energy gone?

Today I completed my senior management training program of Engineers India Limited. It was a good program and the program was held at Surajkund, Haryana. I was surprised by the huge size of the property in Surajkund. Its so close to Delhi and such a nice property but I could not find out many people in the hotel. Their is a good swimming pool at the center. First day I had sometime to spend around the swimming pool. I thought I could speak to myself. But lo there were few week end couples and I got a new profession. They asked me to take photographs and once I started the process, then found that every couple ran to me. They were so engrossed in their life and talk that they could not guess that they are perturbing to someone else life.
I had to handle a bundle of difficult managers who were predominantly engineers and had no idea of management and were thinking that I was talking out of the box. Interestingly, when I started heating them and liking thier bad performance then there was pin drop silence. I hardly do such kind of stuff with trainees, but this time I had to. I remember I had done this with IPS officers while training them.
Why I am writing this stuff on my personal blog. Actually I wanted to write that I am getting tired these days faster than before.Earlier I could manage a five day training program alone, but now it seems difficult. I dont why is this happenning? Is this because I am getting older and over working myself. It may be there is something unknown happenning to me and I will only know about this at the last stage of life.

I got few interesting phone calls in last few days. Out of these calls, there was a call from Manaswini from London. She is travelling back home and called me from there. Though professionally she is doing fine, she was worried about her career and she was woriied about what she has not got in life than what she has already obtained on life. I dont know what to councel her because my philosophy of life is different than hers.

The Ghost Catchers

I took a break. I dont know wheather my visitors and fellow bloggers waited for me to come back and see me writing again, but I took a break and went to my home town... you know where... nayagarh.... Infact I had started writing about Nayagrah and my childhood days and in between this officiating director stuff happenned and it derailed my thoughts. Yes, I went to my home town. Did I write about this small, sleepish and below the mountain squezzed kinda town where gossips travel faster than bullets and everybody looks at the other guy in a different way.
So i reached this town and met babu rao, one of my school mates after a really long long time. This is because when I met him last, he was not married and when I met him this time, he had two kids. I took my son to the hostel where I stayed and once dared to follow a ghost. may be I was traying to catch a ghost on that night. I had heard that there was a young ghost in the nearby forest and she often comes in full moon nights to visit the vicinity of the hostel. I was told that she also settles down near the water tank and enjoys the moonlighting ! I also enjoy moonlighting and was going for long drives on full moon nights. These dats I dont do that as I dont remember when full moon night happens. Sir and madam, I have become a donkey these years.... academic donkey and only work like a donkey. So all these finer aspects of life are gone. May be by writing this blog I am trying to pull out some of these finer points of my life which made me very popular, at least among my women fans. I took my son to show him the water tank where I saw the ghost.

I remember Jeetu, Asit Satpathy and myself were busy in young age chatting when we saw the shadow of the yound lady near the water tank. Jeetu motivated us to go closer to her. So we started to catch a ghost ! We were so stupid on those days. I was the one on the front and when I came out to the main road of the hostel, Jeetu was already gone....! If at some point of time, Jeetu's son/daughter will read this blog, they will realize how cowradice their father was! Then after some distance, Asit also stepped back and suddenly I found myself alone ina kuchha road inside a forest and fifty meters up front, the lady was still there near the water tank. I dont know how one feels when someone puts an ice cube in someone else's under garment but on that night it was really chilling!!, I ran back at a speed probably I would have won the hundred meter sprint of my college. This time I took my son there but the tank was not there. Even the density of the forest was also less and there were more buildings around. I am sure the beautiful ghost must have found out a new destination in between.
But it was a real pleasure to go back to the home town, I didnt take up the calls and didnt check emails during those days. I only stayed with my parents and grand parents and worked like a construction worker and tried to finish the first floor of my house. I visited to the market sometime in between but was searching for someone within. I was searching for a classmate of mine called Sukanti who was in chemistry honours. Though her name was Sukanti(beautiful), but there can not be any correlation between how she looks and her name. Our parents are always optimistic about ourselves. Other than the appearance part of it, she was an extremely good student and was a brilliant person in organic chemistry. In our second year of the course she introduced me to her boyfriend. A frill, dull looking boy but she told me that the boy was very supportive and always motivates her. Do boys do that ever? I dont know when I was a boy whether i have done someting similar or not, may be my friends will tell that. Seema will be able to tell that because she was the closes girl to me during my post graduation days and may be at some part of life. what I didnt like about her on those days was her short tempered behavior and tendency to withdraw after a fight. She will get angry very fast and will take up a fight, but after some time, she will withdraw herself so much that you feel like doing a crime by fighting with her! When she fought with me, I thought she was arrogant and when she withdrew, I always felt like being a sinner. Thats why I had a love and hate relationship with her at that point of time.
Manaswini is in Denmark and she read my blog and called up to say that she could read in between lines. I guess she was talking about Seema, but latter on realized that she was talking about my emotional side and not about her. What to think about her. Its awkward to beleive that I have not met her for fifteen years now (fifteen years is too long a time in life, its twenty five percent of life)and I dont know whether I will ever be able to meet her before I die. If somebody is reading my blog and could establish some contact with her, please tell her that I would like to meet her and say sorry for all the fights, confusions and sufferrings before I die, otherwise the waiting will be longer..... Let me stop here now as I run the risk of going overboard on the personal relationships.